Where have you been?

You’re probably wondering where have you been?

To be honest, I was slowly losing my eye sight to cataracts. Which was caused by the eye drops meant to help inflammation in my eyes since my RA wasn’t being controlled by medication because of the wound on my leg.

Which, yes, it is still there only now it’s actually healing.

Let me break it down for you.

January of 2016

Your wound isn’t improving so let’s try putting you back on your medicine again also the prednisone you’re on is making you gain weight and that’s not good.

While I was feeling fanstastic due to my medication, my eyes continued to become worse. I mean I had to register for CNIB-the Canadian natonal institute for the blind.

April of 2016

Right eye surgery- removal of cataracts and filter made from my own eye tissue due to constant rise of pressure inside the eye. My eye will now be able to drain it’s self naturally, if pressure rises.

For four weeks after surgery,  I was on three different drops, four times a day. The pain right after surgey? dear god I thought my eye was going to frip apart since he injected one anti inflammatory and one antibitotic, it didn’t go away for close to five hours after and the only thing the nurses would give me is a T3… Do you know how long I’ve been taking pain killers for? Since I was six years old, you need to give me something hard enough to tranq a horse, like damn.

For four days after it was grating to blink because of the stitches in my eye and I had to wear an eye patch to bed for a little over a month.

I was so scared it would become infected I used a whole paper towel roll just to clean the gunk from my eye for a week. I also had to be careful washing my hair, absolutely no shamppo in your eyes- BE CAREFUL.

Needless to say I was in a state of paranoia when washing my hair or showering in general.

My surgeon was disappointed my vision didn’t return to it’s normal state it was in before which was 20/20 vision.

I on the other hand was over the fucking moon happy. I’m able to see out my right eye since August of 2015!

If you never been temporarily blind, the immense happiness you feel to be able to see? It’s indescribable, the next day after my surgery, I opened my eye and was able to see color and shapes, needless to say I cried. It wasn’t a beautiful cry it was an ugly Kim Kardasian cry, snot and all.

I phoned my mom and told her ‘I can see’ which ended up in a tear phone call.

It’s been two months since my surgey and I can still see color and definite shapes. My depth perception sucks cause.. Well one good eye and I’m waiting for my other eye to be done in late August.

My surgeons nurse tried scheduling it for the 11th of August which is my birthday and I smiled. She asked my what was happening that day and I said ‘oh, only my birthday’- which I didn’t care the surgery would have been on my birthday cause no one is ever free on a weekday or has money to go eat, regardless of how close I am to friends it never works out so I gave up celebrating when I was a teenager.

It would’ve made one hell of a present happy birthday a new left eye!

Howver, when I told her she changed it- boo, give me my eye sooner.

Now it’s the 18th. *heavy sigh*

My vision is at I would say 50-60 percent even after recovery, fucking arthritis, am I right?

Still, it was more than what I was seeing before which was nothing but shadows and light with no shapes or knowing the difference between green or blue or even grey and black. It was one giant hazy blur.

I’m still considered legally blind though I can see just not perfectly. I’m in the low vision category.

You know what that means!

Another dream I need to let go of.

Returning to culinary and being a chef. Two years of my life down the drain and for what? A certificate I can’t use?

I know, you’re probably thinking but you can see look on the bright side!

I am, don’t get me wrong, I am.

I wake up every morning thankful I can actually see my alarm clock or my reflection. It doesn’t mean I can’t be royally pissed off for wasting my time because my body wanted to fuck it’s self over by becoming more aggressive with the RA and attack my sight.

I’m up in the air as of right now with a career I can actually do and love. I’ve been writing short stories but even then what if it gets worse again and my retina decides it doesn’t feel like staying attached. Then it’s total darkness and joining the two percent who are by true definition blind.

I’m not being pessimistic just realistic about my disease. I hate when someone tries blowing smoke up my ass about “getting better”, there’s nothing worse than false hope.

Speaking of ‘getting better’, the wound on my leg is now half the size it was in January. Woo!

My leg is finally healing now that I’m back on my medicine, right eye is fixed now only the left.

As for a career? I’m sure I’ll find something.

Sighing off until next time readers


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