Healing process and mind set

it’s been a while since my last blog, but I have been “busy”… not really just binge watching netflix and trying to find an office job.


I want to address my lack of sensitivity when it comes to going through personal issues, such as with my sister, she is going through a hard time lately with her doctor.

Ever since I was small I’ve learned to always say ‘BRING IT ON!’ when it came to bad or uncertain news from doctors since it’s always been one let down to another, kind of a constant warrior mind set. Yeah, I’ll take you on attitude.

However, being this way for years has made me less sensitive to other peoples issues because I expect my family and friends to have that same mind set.

I didn’t raise my voice, or say anything insensitive. I didn’t say anything since it had been taken back by my sisters reaction.

It was as if I froze to such a strong emotion. So, in turn I stood next to her and put my hand on her shoulder, letting her know I’m here.

When someone in the family dies, I know what to expect, when my family has uncertain news and cries because of the uncertainty. I don’t know what to do.

I’ve trained myself to expect the worst and be okay with it, such as I don’t know if I can get pregnant with all the medicine I’ve taken since I was six. I don’t know what that did to me but I’m okay with it because I can adopt.

Other people on the other hand.. not so much.

I need to keep in mind not everyone can have that “get up and keep going” spirit.

On a lighter note, I had gone to Kenora for two weeks just to see what it looks like and be with my boyfriend. It was beautiful, even though that place he is staying at while going to work has pigeons in the ceiling, which was completely annoying, the walls would also make noise by creaking and the old pipes bubbling to where it would sound like someone was walking around or trying to get in the window.

I came back to the city today, I also had an appointment with my doctor Embel, he scared me at first.

He asked how I was, took measurments of the wounds, look at my chart, looked back at my leg and back at the chart. I thought “oh god it’s infected and not healing isn’t it?!” But he said “It’s smaller, by half, and it’s not a deep wound anymore, it’s at the surface. That’s amazing!” I was relieved he sees the same thing I see. I had told him the home care nurse had said she thought it was infected because it has a smell to it, but he said “It’s not infected, if it was, it would be red, have puss and leak way more and be sensitive, but I’ll write you a prescription, take it for a week and if it doesn’t look a lot better then stop taking it because it’s not infected, don’t throw away the pills though keep it just in case.”

So I’m on antibiotics again because the nurses are convinced it is infected when their are no major signs of infection and it’s only a smell…

Your wounds/foot would smell too if you can’t wash it on a regular basis.

I’m down to seeing the home care nurse to once a week now which is nice, and instead of using that pad that turns into a gel when wet, I now have a pad that sticks to the good skin around the wound but not actually sticks to the wound it’s self.

Doctor Embel and I took picture of it because we are both impressed it has healed so much over the past month.
I’m not going to post those pictures yet, I want to wait for my next appointment at the beginning of March.

I’m also pretty sure no one is aching to see an open wound.

Pain Demands to be Felt


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