Silver linings and over dramatics

I come from a family that has arthritis run in our blood line, is was also mentioned when I had taken a native studies class that is was common to find bones that has traces of arthritis/markers left on the aboriginal remains.

The past 5 months have been pure pain and agony, switching medications to control my arthritis, the infection in my ankle, being taken off medicine that’s supposed to control my arthritis in exchange for antibiotics to rid the infection from my ankle since if I were to be put on medication for my arthritis it would stop the healing process, fester and turn into blood poisoning. Which to my doctor he’s scared of happening to me, case in point, I’ve been seeing him once a week since September and it is now October. I’m still antibiotics, while it’s slowly healing, my arthritis isn’t under control.

Since September I’ve been taking a very low dose of prednisone with naproxen- a pain killer, it’s no way near enough for my moderate to chronic diagnoses, I’m stiff every morning, I wear my knee brace on my right knee, I need my cane in the morning and by the end of the day I have to crawl up three flights of stairs to my apartment and use crutches when I make it home.

On my worse day’s when I make it up these three flights of stairs I’m sweaty and in tears, leaning my head against the hallway wall when I make it in, I have to tell myself to breathe, I made it, I made it up the stairs.

I still manage to slap a smile on my face when I don’t want too, I still smile when I feel myself breaking on the inside questioning did I choose the right profession? Are my chefs right to question if I should be here?

I keep being asked if I can take a sabbatical from school and go back in the next term, so these wounds can heal since, being on my feet all day hinders the healing process quiet a bit.

I’ve come so far and I’m almost done, I can’t see myself quitting now, not when I’m so close.

I could always ask for my old research job back, which is a quiet nice desk job with good people, but it’s nothing like cooking. I also don’t know if they would need a research assistant.

It’s not just my chefs asking me if I’m okay and if I should continue on like this, now it’s my doctors asking me to take time off school.

I’m back to being 8 years old, realizing again I’m having something I love being taken away from me because my body is too weak to protect it’s self.

I’ve missed 4 day’s of school, if I miss more than 5, I have to repeat the course..

I’m trying to look on the bright side, I’m moving to a more accessible apartment building on Friday, it has an elevator, and a balcony….No more stairs.

This new doctor I’ve seen today, as I mentioned in my last post, to seeing a new doctor called Doctor Embil, he told me today, I have no infection anymore, the wounds need time to heal, don’t take anything for my arthritis other than what was given to me from Doctor Robinson, use this cream on the dry scaly skin, but I have to use gloves while putting it on, and only use the tiniest amount, dress it, use a stocking they gave me and change it once a day.

I can also stop taking antibiotics.. I’m going to finish the rest of this proscription just in case.

At least I have this tiny bit of good news.

“Pain demands to be Felt”